Kersten (right) and her sister (Photo provided by Kersten Marchese)
By Kersten Marchese
“Earnhardt?”
“Three.”
“Earnhardt Jr.?”
“Eight.”
“Waltrip?”
“Fifteen.”
I excitedly bounced up and down, as my dad beamed down at me with pride. This, I was good at. I could remember the race car drivers’ numbers after only hearing them once. Not only that, but I was being praised for this skill. Finally, something that made me different was seen as positive. My dad being impressed and proud of my memory implanted my first seed of much-needed confidence.
I didn’t know I was on the autism spectrum yet. But even at age 3 I knew I was different from my sister. She loved going out to the playground and playing with other kids; she loved dolls and playing make believe. I liked those things, too. But, apparently, I did them wrong. I would play dolls, but I had a script in my head and was shocked when my sister or other playmates inevitably didn’t follow my vision. To me, playing make believe was like directing a movie. I would also memorize movie scripts and perform one-woman shows for my parents and their friends.
Still, I had good friends that stuck by me – and understood that I appreciated them and loved them even though I showed it differently. As I got older, I learned how to entertain their interests, too. However, that didn’t come naturally to me.
Even though I had people who loved me, I still struggled with loneliness. After all, they loved me, but they didn’t understand me. They would listen to me rattle off “Titanic” facts and watch all the “Titanic” documentaries. They would take me to all the museums with Native American exhibits and buy me books detailing the rich and beautiful facets of many Native American tribal cultures in depth. They also listened to me info dump about Martin Luther King Jr. daily for three years. But they didn’t have the same passion about those things like I did. They had strong feelings about Justin Bieber, sales at Hollister, and “Twilight.”
What the hell? I was the resident alien.
To this day, I would still prefer to tell you all about Viking hygiene than discuss the latest celebrity gossip, but I love that about myself now.
